Topic: Anyone got any good jokes?

[HomestarCutie7]

Post you're jokes here! I got one:

A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later]

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

[carterhawk]

.

[Band8PGeek]

In an English lesson, a class-member was asked to write a story with as many words as possible. This is the story he wrote:
"My cat ran away and got lost, so I called for him; "Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy...""

[Spongemarc]

How do you get 6 donkey's into a fire engine?

2 in the front, 2 in the back and 2 on the roof going eeyore,eeyore,eeyore,eeyore

[Daniel]

That joke was dumb =p














DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 15
















What does a blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They never met.

[Jackie-Boy]

Daniel's a pervert.

[Wilytank]

Actual Newspaper Headline: Typhon rips through cemetary, hundreds dead.

[Band8PGeek]

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Brooke Shields.
Brooke Shields who?
Brooke shields herself from the brutal reality that is her life by finding solace in meaningless material goods and the never-ending pursuit of more and more wealth. But, little does she know, all the beachside condominiums and all-night free-for-all's cannot ease the ever-growing pain she feels at the end of each pointless and purposeless day, a pain that will never be satisfied by her decadence, a pain that will remain until the day she dies.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it'll take him five episodes to do it.

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Cheese.
Variation: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

[Wilytank]

Actual Newpaper Headline: Panda Mating Fails, Vetrinarian Takes Over

[Wormy Lives#33;]

Two Canadians from Toronto die and go to Hell. When Satan goes to check on them, they're in their parkas around a bonfire. Satan asks why, they say they just like to warm up. So the next day, Satan checks again. They're still in their parkas around the bonfire! So the next day, Satan turns the temperature in Hell WAY down to below zero. When he checks on them again, they're dancing excitedly. Satan asks why, they point out how Hell has frozen over and the Leaves have won the Stanley Cup.

Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon, and George HW Bush are lost in a desert. But then they notice they're stuck in quicksand. A genie appears and tells them that the more lies you have told, the farther down they will sink. Clinton is knee-deep, Nixon is up to his stomach, but HW Bush is standing right on top of it. The other two former presidents ask how he's so high up, but HW informs them he's standing on his son's shoulders.

[Banana]

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby
A: A dead baby in a clown suit!

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
A: It all depends on how hard you throw them!

Q: What's worse than ninety-nine dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: A dead baby nailed to ninety-nine trees!

Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken's foot!

Q: What do you call a dead baby with no legs or arms in a ditch?
A: Phil

[Ealcon]

In Maths today, we didn't actually do any work.We just told jokes.(Mr. Cleary's are rubbish!)Here are some of them:

Some Fish ones:

"Could you say that again?I'm hard of herring."

"O, stop carping on!"

Another.....one:

"A man loses his steering wheel from a car.He walks into the nearest pub and the landlord asks him what the thing is near his leg.The man replies:I'm not sure, but it's driving me nuts!"

This isn't exactly a joke, but it's still funny:

Mr. Cleary doesn't allow you to have chuddy (bubble gum) in class, so......

Mr. Cleary:"Stickie, are you masticating?"

#Everyone suddenly starts laughing!Pieva, David, Curtis and Mitch fall off their chairs with laughter!Fiona nearly chokes with laughter!And so do I!#

Everyone:"HA HA HA HA!HEE HEE HEH HEH HEE HEE HA HAA!"

Mr. Cleary:"What?What's so funny about the word 'masticating?'

Curtis recovers and says:"Oh, sorry sir!We all thought you said something else!"

Mr. Cleary, still puzzled:"Like what?"

Pieva:"You don't wanna know sir!"

Stickie:"I can't belive it!Ha haha haahaha!"