Transcript
[size=8]{Credits roll, open up to Joel and Phil on a couch.}
JOEL: Look, everyone knows auto mechanics tamper with the battery, so you have to go back to them in a week. {Cut to closeup of Joel.} But you can't do jack 'cause they're, you know, tied... {Cut to closeup of Phil.} to the... mafia. {A pause. Cut back to Joel and Phil} ...I know this fascinates you... you fascinator.
PHIL: Uh... you don't have a car.
{Cut to Joel, standing at an anle and pointing to himself, with a yellowy background.}
JOEL: I have a car! I bought it. A-and you can't drive it, {Cut back to Phil.} it's expensive and it's-and it's... European.
{Cut to outside, where Phil and Joel are looking down at a cardboard box.}
PHIL: Yeah... that's a box.
{Cut to Joel.}
JOEL: It is now thanks to my mechanic, Brad, whom I shall now call Brad the bad... guy.
{Zoom in on the box, which has a black puddle around it.}
PHIL: Uh, what's with the puddle?
JOEL: Uhhh... oh! He gave it a free oil change. {Cut to Phil.} Yeah, that's something they glorify to make you ignore the fine print, but I don't buy that.
PHIL: So... it's always been a cardboard box.
{Cut back to Joel.}
JOEL: Phil, it's a transformer. It becomes a hover jet, and we're gonna go find the mini-cons, and...uh, you're not invited.
{Cut back to Phil and Joel.}
PHIL: {Sarcastically} Oh, sure it is! I mean, why should I doubt Brad the bad?
JOEL: Because he's five years old, Phil. That's why you do it.
{Cut back to Phil. A pause.}
PHIL: Wait, what?
{Cut to inside Brad's house, where Joel is talking to Brad. Phil and the box can be seen out the window. A sort of hip hop music starts to play.}
JOEL: You swindler! I demanded that my car be {Cut to Phil standing next to the box.} new and improved, not replaced with your post-G1 technology. That's not improved. That's... duh, de...proved.
{Cut back to Joel and Brad.}
BRAD: All sales are final, stinky!
JOEL: You know NOTHING of my odors!
{Cut back to Joel, Phil and the box outside. Music stops.}
PHIL: Uh, let me just get this straight. You bought a car, and then you gave it away to a five-year-old?
{Cut to closeup of Joel.}
JOEL: That's right, I did it. I made worse deals in my life.
PHIL: {Off-screen} Like what?
JOEL: Like this one time, I sold a house to buy a car.
{Zoom out to show Phil very angry. There's a short pause.}
JOEL: You know, the details are... largely unimportant.
PHIL: You sold our house?!
{Camera slowly zooms in on Joel. Hero music starts.}
JOEL: There are starving children out there, Phil. And what kind of man would I be if I didn't give them a little happiness?
{Music stops. Zoom back out. Phil is still very angry...but also a little annoyed...}
PHIL: Where do WE live?!
JOEL: Shut up and get in the box!
{End credits roll.} [/size]
