I've posted this before, but I don't wanna go searching through ten quintillion posts just to quote.
Ned: Calm down, Neddly diddily-diddily-diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily-iddily-iddily-diddily-diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ... ah hell diddily-ding-dong crap! Can't you morons do anything right?!
(everyone gasps)
Marge: Ned! We meant well and everyone here tried their best!
Ned: Well, my family can't live on good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family is out of control, but we can't blame you because you've got good intentions!
Bart: Hey, back off, man!
Ned: Oh, OK du-u-u-de! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, ma-a-a-n! Here's a catchphrase you better learn for your adult years – 'Hey buddy, got a quarter'?!
(everyone gasps)
Bart: I am shocked and appalled!
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
Ned: Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson! Springfield's answer to a question no one asked!
(Chief Wiggum laughs)
Ned: What do we have here? The long, flabby arm of the law! The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!!
Krusty the Clown: (laughs, writes) Mallomars! Oh, that's going in the act!
Ned: Oh, yeah! The clown! The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! (turns to Lenny) And as for you, I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey, I've only been here a few minutes! What's going on?
Ned: (to Moe) You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: (defensively) Hey, hey! I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I ... um, what was the third thing you said?
(Ned turns to Homer, everyone else having held their breath)
Ned: Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met.
Homer: (relieved) Hey, I got off pretty easy.
