Topic: You Know You're From Houston When...

[spongebuddie]

You Know You're From Houston When...

You're on your way to work one February morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses -- with riders -- and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a Randall's Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up!)

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach the size of the Taco Bell chihuahua.

When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes; you know he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't mean a bad screwdriver.

"Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue-tailed norther" has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.

Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations look like a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.

You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.

You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.

The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects.

You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window-shop.

You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to practice good dental hygiene.

You think "Yall" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

For a Chili Cookoff, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped -- not ground -- beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair, and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't left your neighborhood.)

You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction -- and you've lived here for 20-30 years.

If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a good hair day.

You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.

"The Dream" is not a fantasy.

The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low, right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.

You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury has.

You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd rather that they keep the title of "Smog Capital."

You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night. ahaa thats a good one

"Luv Ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses with riders and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Houston.
 

[Patback399]

"You're on your way to work one February morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses -- with riders -- and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a Randall's Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up!)

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach the size of the Taco Bell chihuahua.

When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes; you know he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't mean a bad screwdriver.

"Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue-tailed norther" has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.

Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations look like a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.

You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.

You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.

The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects.

You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window-shop.

You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to practice good dental hygiene.

You think "Yall" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

For a Chili Cookoff, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped -- not ground -- beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair, and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't left your neighborhood.)

You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction -- and you've lived here for 20-30 years.

If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a good hair day.

You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.

"The Dream" is not a fantasy.

The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low, right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.

You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury has.

You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd rather that they keep the title of "Smog Capital."

You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night. ahaa thats a good one Smiley

"Luv Ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses with riders and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Houston."












Guess I'm not from Houston...
 

[weird_4]

Me either. How weirrdd..

[ssj4gogita4]

Tex-Mex

[Rocko]

You Know You're From Cincinnati When...
Your idea of a three-way is chilli over spaghetti topped with cheddar

You know what goetta is - and you've eaten it

You hate Cleveland, but you don't know why, and you've never been there

You think Pete Rose and Marge Schott were railroaded

You say "Please?" instead of "Excuse me?"

You think Northern Kentucky is part of Ohio

You've been to California, Wyoming, Coney Island, and Over-the-Rhine in one day

There are less than 100 murders a year, and you still think you're in Detroit

You think Dayton is a Third World country

What groundhog? It's the St. Patrick's Day parade leprechaun that forecasts how much longer winter will last.

Losing football teams draw more fans than winning baseball teams.

Indiana is about 20 miles away, but it takes about four hours to get there.

It's too cold in the winter, and too hot and humid in the summer, to ever stay outside for very long.

You drive to Columbus or Louisville to avoid the prices at the Cincinnati airport.

City council members hold debates on whether or not they should debate in the first place.

Tourists still flock downtown to catch a glimpse of cast members from "WKRP," even though the show hasn't aired on network television since 1984, and the show was filmed in LA anyway.

You ask lifetime residents where the President Taft house is, but they don't know either.

If you do something -- anything -- in public long enough, sooner or later it will be banned.

Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude Graeter's ice cream.

You get through winter listening to Marty and Joe's broadcasts from the grapefruit leagues.

Big Red Smokies are a ballpark treat, not cause to dial 9-1-1.

If necessary, the city could easily be sliced into two new cities: East and West, and it would take 20 years for anyone to notice something happened.

Chocolate and cinnamon, not peppers and beans, are in your chili.

You can drive 30 minutes in any direction to hear a different accent than your own.

You can accurately judge people's social status by which Kroger's store they frequent.

You can go to any church festival in any neighborhood on any weekend and see at least five people you either work with, went to school with, or dated.

Even the slightest mention of former baseball commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti makes your blood boil and your ears steam.

If the temperature hits 45 degrees, and the sun comes out in any month between November and April, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.

The top stories on the local 6 o'clock evening news look suspiciously like the articles you read in the newspaper that very morning -- and even use the same quotes.

Any carbonated beverage is a "coke." (hahaha, it's pop)

Your favorite convenient store sounds like a labor union.

You can't hear the words "Mike Brown" without getting angry.

You honestly believe that Pete Rose should be in the Baseball Hall Fame.

You have more stadiums, coliseums, and arenas than you know what to do with.

It doesn't seem weird to you that everyone has an Uncle Al.

Your favorite Coney Island isn't in New York.

You like Nick Clooney better than George Clooney.

You know how Jerry Springer got his start.

You know what a pony keg is.

You have friends and neighbors with names like Machenheimer, Guckenberger, Schlottman, Schoenling, and Schweitering.

You know that cars (like eggs) are cheaper in the country.

An all-boys or all-girls school doesn't seem that odd to you

You think a mixed marriage is when an East Sider marries a West Sider.

You know the difference between Hudy and "Who Dey."

You know what cream ale is, and you think that cream soda should be bright red.

You think Kentucky is only slightly more civilized than Afghanistan.

You know in which state the Greater Cincinnati Airport is located.

You actually understand the word, "CRAVE" and white castle burgers.

You can almost name the seven "hills" minus one or two.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Cincinnati.

[Patback399]

I guess they have one for every city...


You Know You're From Philadelphia When...
"You punctuate every sentence with, "You know" at least twice.

You want olive oil, not mayonnaise on your "hoagie".

You hate the Redskins

You hate Dallas.

You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice".

You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking long-distance to family members.

You know how to spell Schuylkill.

You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME".

You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain.

You find youself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?"

You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens.

You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.

You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.

You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone "jimmies".

You don't think Wawa sounds funny.

You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll.

Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block.

You know who Jim O'Brien is and how he died.

You can't imagine lunch without a Tastycake.

You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli.

A vacation at the Jersey shore (pronounced "Down the shoore") is better than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.)

You know where to find the Rocky statue.

You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks.

You only go if you're drunk and it's 3:00 a.m.

You can make a cheese steak and you've never been taught

You've never been to the Liberty Bell, or the only time you were there was on a class trip in third grade.

You know what and where "Boathouse Row" is

You will buy a pretzel from anyone, anywhere without even thinking of where it was - or where his hands have been.

You can't imagine a breakfast without scrapple.

You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE.

You aren't a bandwagon Sixers fan�you loved them when they sucked, and before they had A.I.

You go to The Gallery or South Street in the summer time just to chill.

You have the pizza place on speed dial.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Philadelphia."

[weird_4]

Are we supposed to make this up??

[Patback399]

Are we supposed to make this up??

http://www.blogthings.com/wherefrom.html

[AppleNick]

You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends

You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunder

You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day

You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch

You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner

You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal

You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.

You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman

You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie

You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.

You've inadvertently learned Spanish.

You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.

In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.

You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.

Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.

Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.

You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.

When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.

You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.

You've trespassed through private property to get to the "Hollywood" sign.

You've partied in Tijuana at least once.

You know Hollywood has a "lake".

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.

You've ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.

You think that Venice is a beach.

You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

You've started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON'T WALK sign started flashing.

You've never listened to NPR.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You have a favorite Thai restaurant.

You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.

You think Manhattan is a beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.

When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310."

Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don't panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you're on TV.

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.

You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.

Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....

It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.

You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.

Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.

You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."

You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.

That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.

You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.

You personally know at least 5 people with agents.

You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.

You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.

You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You've done something on a street corner in an attempt to get money (i.e. sang, tap danced, told jokes).

You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.

You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.

Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.

The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

You really can never be too rich or too thin.

The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.

The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.

Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."

You have never met a waiter that wasn't really an "Actor."

You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script - any script.

It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99"

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 tae-bo class.

The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.

A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don't drink or smoke, right?"

All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can't drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?

The hot seasonal party favor is a candied apple from Neiman's. The apples are called "Skinny Dippers."

The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

Bars card. For real.

[weird_4]

You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or one on building your own web site.

You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin.

A man walks on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice.

A woman walks on The Drag with live poultry ...You don't notice.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.

You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

You keep a list of companies to boycott.

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."

You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and- bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is name is actually Leslie.

You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas.

You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's eight 24-hour resaraunts (Katz', Kerbey Lane, Star Seeds, Magnolia Cafe, IHOP, Denny's, the Kettle, or Jim's).

You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene.

You don't even think about getting good seats to the Longhorns football games.

You know the exact locations of three towing yards.

Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/ socks.

Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes.

You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March.

You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and Shiner Bock beer a well balanced meal.

You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts.

100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere between May and September seems a little chilly.

ou figure skin cancer is inevitable b/c it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on.

When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys.

You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade.

Nobody's aware that Southwestern went out of style.

You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you really don't care either way cuz it's fun to wonder.

You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic.

You see more Texas flags flying than American flags.

You spend so much time at MoJo's Coffee House, you finally start bringing in your own CD's for the staff to play.

Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of a time as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care.

Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories."

The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free...

That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch.

You're in a band - several of them, in fact

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austin.

[spongebuddie]

lol i love these

[ssj4gogita4]

Link is not working for me

[LE]

The Ontario one didn't even have anything I could relate to..

[spongebuddie]

The Ontario one didn't even have anything I could relate to..

you live in ontario??
cool thats in canada right??

[LE]

The Ontario one didn't even have anything I could relate to..

you live in ontario??
cool thats in canada right??

Yup yup.
Except Ontario is the most boring province to live in..