As you probably know already, I skipped from 2 to 7 because 3, 4, and 5 were too perverted... okay anyway here's the 7th one:
Rated PG again for... well you should know by now
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
The SpongeBob Gang, That's Who!
Fanfic 7
Gary in the Hot Seat
-Crowd cheers as Meredith walks in-
Meredith: Hello, everyone. I hope you all remember our exciting night yesterday. Bill Gates won the million dollars! (Crowd goes wild) Now that that exciting evening is back in our minds, let's play ................................................................................................... ..............................................................Who wants to be a millionaire! (Crowd goes wild)
Meredith: Now, today we have ten contestants who have flown in from all over the world, each of them going through different lengths. So keep in mind that NO ONE is from the same town. They are:
Eugene Krabs, Bikini Bottom (Waves)
Mama Krabs, Bikini Bottom (Smiles)
Patrick Star, Bikini Bottom (Drops Krabby Patty and waves)
Squidward Tentacles, Bikini Bottom (Doesn't pay attention, continues polishing clarinet)
Patchy the Pirate, Encino (Smiles)
Potty the bird, Don't know where (Puts shirt on and waves)
Fred, Potty (Stops biting Potty)
King Neptune, he is the king of the sea (Attempts to tell a lame joke, but is drowned out by crowd)
Gary SquarePants, Nobody gives a crap (Doesn't pay attention)
SpongeBob SquarePants, Bikini Bottom (Grins and flashes golden jellyfish net)
Meredith: Now, let's do the fattest, I mean, fastest figure question.
In earliest to latest, tell me which b… I mean, who… I mean, woman, was born:
(a) Queen Elizabeth III
(b) Rosa Parks
© Marylin Munroe
(d) Mary Kate Olsen
-A murmur shoots through the audience at Meredith's wording.-
Gary: (surprised by the crowd and music, falls on keypad, hitting buttons)
Everyone: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . .
Meredith: And, now let's see who was dumb enough to answer . . . I mean (pulls collar), let's see who got it right.
Gary: 1.27 sec.
Squidward: 1.27000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 sec.
Neptune: 9.38 sec.
Meredith: It seems that Gary is in the hot seat.
-Flashy, music, commercial break-
During Commercial Break
-Backstage-
Stage Guy: Meredith, what is up with you? You're sinking.
Meredith: Shut up. You only care about the station's ratings.
ABC Guy: Is there a problem with that? (Raises eyebrow)
Meredith: Shut up, or I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!
Weird Guy Hanging Out #1: You're not Meredith!
Weird Guy Hanging Out #2: His name is . . . what's his name?
Weird Guy Hanging Out #1: Who cares? He ain't Meredith. Let's unmask him.
Meredith: Shut up you fools, I am Meredith, no matter what you say!
-Weird Guys #1 & #2 put Meredith in headlock and rip mask off, revealing . . .
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-. . . . Dr. Fish!
Weird Guy Hanging Out #1: Him again?! I thought he was done for after he killed himself for killing a patient.
Weird Guy Hanging Out #2: Me too. It was him. Oh, well. Let's find the real Meredith.
Weird Guy Hanging Out #1: Good idea.
Weird Guy Hanging Out #2: Maybe he's hidden in the broom closet, where everyone's impersonator always hides the impersonatee.
Stage Guy: You know lot of big words.
ABC Guy: Get her back before the commercial break is over. Without Meredith, our ratings will go down the drain.
Weird Guy Hanging Out #1: We're only rescuing Meredith because she's cool, she has money, and the writer wants us to. We're not rescuing her to save the ratings of a station that uses the first three letters of the alphabet for initials. You did that because you want 4-year-olds to watch your station… anything for ratings.
ABC Guy: (Pales) That is not true! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!
Weird Guys Hanging Out #'s 1 & 2: (Walking away) Yeah, whatever.
End Commercial Break
Gary: (sits patiently)
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Mr. Krabs: Where is Meredith?
Audience: (Murmurs and swears and curses)
Squidward: (Holds up clarinet) If Meredith won't do this then I will.
-Audience cheers and boos-
The People At Home
Daughter: Daddy, why do they have clarinets?
Daddy: Because they're weird honey.
Daughter: Where is Meredith gone, Daddy?
Daddy: To a place with hot chocolate.
Daughter: Why did Meredith talk about bikinis, Daddy?
Daddy: Someone very dumb named a city Bikini Bottom, and we all had to here Meredith say bikini.
Daughter: They're weird. I don't like them. Let's watch something else.
Daddy: I don't think so. This is a perfect example of what not to do. Let's watch.
Daughter: Okay, Daddy. You do know best.
Back in the Studio
-Squidward had played a few wrong notes on his clarinet and had been about to step into Meredith's seat when . . . .
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Muffled voice: Wait!
Every single person in the studio: Huh?!
-Music plays and confetti flies-
Muffled voice: I'm here!
Audience: WHO?!
Muffled voice: Meredith!
Muffled voice Meredith: (Walks into the stage and sits down)
Squidward: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
-Squidward thinks: My fame . . . my glory . . . all ruined. I HATE MEREDITH! She is ****ING ***CH. She will die!
-Squidward lashes out at Meredith, blasting her with small blasts of his clarinet, making it look like a machine gun's job. Then he stabs her through the heart with the clarinet-
-Audience boos-
ABC Guy: Oh no! Without Meredith, our ratings will stink!
Stage Guy: How can you do that, Squidward?
Squidward: I wanted to! (Flashes clarinet)
ABC Guy: Who CARES?! Without Meredith, we won't have any ratings. We need Meredith back!
Weird Guy Hanging Out #3: I have an idea.
ABC Guy: What is it?!
Weird Guy Hanging Out #3: I'll use this special emergency number to contact the writer. He'll bring Meredith back.
ABC Guy: Brilliant!
Everyone else: Huh!?
-The people gather around a phone and Weird Guy Hanging Out #3 does his stuff-
Weird Guy Hanging Out #3: Sammy? Are you there?
Sammy: I'm here, WGHO #3
Weird Guy Hanging Out #3: Uh . . . Sammy? The ABC Guy wants you to bring Meredith back to life.
Sammy: That can't be done, WGHO #3
ABC Guy: Please?
Sammy: I may be the writer, but I won't assist you in your petty journey and wish for Meredith. Squidward killed her for a reason, WGHO #3
ABC Guy: You stink, man!
Sammy: When I put finger to key, I can do anything. Now, die, ABCG.
ABC Guy: You can't do anything to me, you . . . . (Vanishes)
Sammy: Now, WGHO #3, go somewhere before my temper wears thin.
Weird Guy Hanging Out #3: Yes sir!
Sammy: …And because you didn't bombard me like ABCG did, you may have Meredith back. Don't kill her this time, Squidward.
-Weird Guy #3 says goodbye, Squidward promises to be good, and the show gets on the road, with Meredith back-
The People at Home
Daughter: Daddy, what happened?
Daddy: They brought Meredith back, honey.
Daughter: Who was the guy talking like this on the phone?
Daddy: He was Sammy, the author and inventor of us and this fanfic.
Daughter: Oh.
Back at the Studio
Meredith: Okay, now that we have time let's play some . . . .. . . . . . . . . . Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!
Gary: Meow?
Everyone: What?!
Translator: What am I supposed to do?
Meredith: I'll tell you when it's time. First, let's see who you are. What are your hobbies, Gary?
Gary: Meow
Translator: Eat and sleep
Meredith: Uh, well, on with the game.
-Flashy music, Meredith tells Gary how to play, and what the lifelines are-
Meredith: Okay, Gary, are you ready for the game?
Gary: Meow!
Translator: Yes, I am!
Meredith: Okay! Well, then let's see . . . the hundred-dollar-question . . .
Who wrote this fanfic?
(a) Tom
(b) Jerry
© Sammy
(d) Pikachu
Meredith: So, Gary, what do you want to do?
Gary: Meow
Translator: Um . . . I'm not too familiar with this fanfic . . . I need to use my lifeline, Meredith. I think the 50-50 will help.
-Meredith gets the computer to get rid of two answers. Sammy and Tom remain-
Gary: Meow
Translator: Oh, no. Those were the two that confused me. Meredith, I need to ask the audience.
-Lights shine brighter-
Meredith: Audience, Gary needs your help. As you may not know, those keypad thingies are for a use…
-Audience gasps-
Meredith: …not just to play. Using the button in them, vote for which you think is right: (a) Tom, or © Sammy.
-Everyone votes-
Meredith: Well, Gary, the results are in and . . . we have 99% on Sammy, and one wise guy on Tom.
Gary: Meow…
Translator: Wise guy? Hmmm… I have a hunch, Meredith, but I think I'll phone a friend to be on the safe side. I'll phone Sammy . . .
DON'T PHONE ME. CALL SOMEONE ELSE, GARY
Gary: Meow
Translator: Okay, I'll phone Snellie.
-Meredith gets Snellie on the phone, hands it to Gary, with 30 sec.-
Gary: Meow. . . .
Translator: Snellie, I need to know . . . . (Tells Snellie question and choices)
Snellie: MEOW!
Translator: . . . . GARY, YOU LITTLE IDIOT! IT'S SAMMY! THAT'S WHO YOU JUST CALLED, YOU <censored> <censored> <censored> <censored> <censored> <censored> MOTHER <censored>, SPONGEBOB-CRAZY <censored>. NOW ANSWER IT CORRECTLY OR DIE!
Gary: Meow
Translator: ok
-Snellie hangs up, and Meredith turns to Gary-
Gary: Meow
Translator: Well, Meredith, I know what you're thinking, and, let me tell you: Not many people or translators can read Snellie, but I can. She wants me to pick Tom. So that's what I'm doing.
Meredith: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Gary: Meow
Translator: It is my final answer.
Meredith: Well, Gary the correct answer is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sammy!
-Instead of "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww"ing, the crowd snickers and laughs-
Gary: Meow?
Translator: I lost? Before I even got started?
Meredith: You . . . HA! AHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!
-Tears roll down Meredith's face-
-Gary dejectedly walks away-
-As he walks away, the crowd "Awwwwww"s for him-
Meredith: Well that has been a very exciting contestant.
Commercial Break
To be continued...
-SS4Gohan