Anyone else heard of this guy? He absolutely RULES. I was reading some of his jokes earlier, and he blows any other comedian out of the water. I would give you the link, but there's profuse amounts of language, so I'll give you some of his cleaner jokes.
Warning: some of might not find it fuuny at all. I think he is an acquired taste.
"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I want to be a race car passenger, just a guy who bugs the driver. ‘Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tide...’ "
"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music.’ As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work..."
"I bought a parrot, but it did not say ‘I’m hungry,’ so it died."
"I played golf...I did not get a hole-in-one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell 'fore,' but I was too busy mumbling, ‘There ain't no way that's gonna hit him.’ "
"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable."
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs."
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that...day."
"My friend said to me, ‘You know what I like? Mashed potatoes.’ I was like, ‘Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.’ "
"I tried walking into a Target, but I missed."
