Arrr, mateys! Today be the glorious day of the year where ye be talking like a swashbuckling, peg-legged, pirate! In celebration of what is possibly the best non-denominational, non-commercial holiday out there, here is a guide to all the pirates in SpongeBob that you know and love.
Patchy the PiratePatchy the Pirate is a regular feature of half-hour SpongeBob specials, and is generally disliked by most of the SpongeBob watching populace. Probably because he's annoying and just generally not very funny. He is played by the otherwise wonderful Tom Kenny.
Pirate Rating: a $1 DVD in Chinatown
Painty the PiratePainty, a painting of a pirate by artist Calvin Liang, voiced by Pat Pinney, with Stephen Hillenburg as it's mouth, opens each glorious episode of SpongeBob by leading the theme song.
Pirate Rating: Two glass eyes!
The Flying DutchmanNot only is the Flying Dutchman a pirate, but he's also a ghost! Ghost pirates are about 10x more piratey than anything else on earth. He haunts the underwater world in his mysteriously glowing pirate ship.
Pirate Rating: Hotter than Johnny Depp