Want to read the actual fanfic without clicking on any links? Read below.I Do Not Own SpongeBob SquarePants.
I Am Not Affiliated With Nickelodeon.
This Is A Fan Based Story.
I Am Not Making Any Money Off Of It.
So Please Don't Sue My Pants Off.
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The Internet
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Caw, caw, caw ...
*The Captain appears* 'Are 'ya ready, kids?'
*Kids yell* 'Aye, Aye, Captain!'
The Captain: 'I can't hear you!'
*Kids yell louder* 'Aye, aye, Captain!'
The Captain: 'Ooooh ... *Pause* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?'
Kids: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
The Captain: 'Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!'
Kids: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
The Captain: 'If nautical nonsense be somethin' 'ya wish ...'
Kids: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
The Captain: 'Then drop to the deck and flop like a fish! *Pause* Ready?'
Kids and The Captain: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
Kids and The Captain: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
Kids and The Captain: 'SpongeBob SquarePants!'
The Captain: 'Sponge-ah-Bob SquarePants!'
*SpongeBob pops up and plays his nose like a flute*
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*A cartoony picture appears that reads: 'The Internet'*
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Narrator: Ah, Bikini Bottom. Home of some of the most stupid creatures in all of the the sea. And I do believe that they will not be gaining any IQ points soon ... Haha. Anyway. Let us begin today's story: The sun rose over Bikini Bottom, casting an orangey glow about the waters. The early morning scallops chirped in the distance. The flower-shaped clouds were shades of pink.
The --- *Narrator gets cut off*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHUUUUMMMMM!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHUUUUMMMMM!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHUUUUMMMMM!
BAAAA ---
Oops! There's my alarm! Hang on a second, let me just ... Get some clothes on ... Okay! Hi! My name is SpongeBob SqaurePants! Today is an extra-super-spectacular day! It's so extra-super-spectacular that I have to get up at 5:30 AM! Yeah! D'you know why?
Readers: 'Why?!'
You'll just have to wait and see! Baahaahaahaahaa!
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I walked out the front door of my --- May I say, --- delicious pineapple house out into the blue yonder ... Otherwise known as my front yard. I saw my neighbour Squidward was out watering his flowers, so I decided to surprise him! This was gonna be great ...
'Sqiudward! My neighbour!' I yelled, jumping at him, causing the watering can to fly out of his hand and land on his head.
'Owww! SpongeBob! Could you at least warn me before jumping out of the shadows and kung-fooing me?!'
'Actually, that was kay-rah-tay, Squidward.' I corrected him, smiling.
'Whatever. Could you please leave me to my watering in peace?' Squidward frowned.
'Sure thing, Squidward!' I replied happily. 'Right after I tell you about why today is an extra-super-spectacular day! D'you know why, Squidward? D'you know what today is? Huh? D'ya? Huh?'
Squidward looked bored. 'Why, SpongeBob. Why is today an extra-sa-boobular-fantastico day.'
'Actually, Squidward, it was extra-super ---'
'What. Ever. Just tell me already, before I have to shove this watering can ---'
'Today is a special day because I'm a having a installation guy come and hook up the Internet at my house!' I grinned.
Squidward actually looked interested. 'Really? I heard you can download things off of the Internet, like clarinet music sheets, and recipes for things like crème a la crème, and coral seaweed casserole!'
'Yeah! And tips on how to be a better bubblest!' I exclaimed.
'A better what?'
'A better bubblest!' I repeated.
'A bubble what?!' Squidward was getting really annoyed.
'A better bubble --- ' I started, but was interrupted by a 'Hello, my watery friends!'.
'Patrick! Hi! Me and Squidward were just discussing about how great the Internet is! I'm going to get it hooked up at my place!'
Patrick looked blank. 'The innernet? Isn't that illegal in Australia?'
'And guess what, Pat!'
'What!'
'Squidward's going to make crème casserole a la poop!'
'Oh, boy, really?! I love that stuff!'
'Me, too!'
Squidward groaned and rolled his eyes. Why did he have to live near such idiotic morons? They made Patrick's rock seem smart. He decided to sneak away before either of them noticed.
'Squidward! Where 'ya going?' I saw he was trying to sneak away before either of us noticed.
Squidward froze. 'Er --- I'm just ... Going to ... Call the ... Um ... Mr Krabs! And ... Tell him about the ... Internet?'
'Great idea, Squidward!' I said happily. 'Me and Patrick'll help you! Here, let me just get out my ---' I paused, then coughed and said dramatically, 'Little black book, haha, yeah. My little black book!' I took it out of my pocket. 'Only the most filled up black book in all of the seven seas ...' I wiggled my eyebrows. 'Filled with only the most ---'
Squidward snatched the address book out of my hand. 'Let me see that.' He opened it and glanced at the pages. 'SpongeBob. All the numbers, all the pages, are filled with ---'
'Yeah, I know ... Isn't it somethin' else?' I said suavely.
Squidward slapped his forehead. 'SpongeBob! It's all filled up with Mr Krabs's phone number! Written down repeatedly, hundreds of times!'
I grinned. 'I know ...'
Patrick laughed suddenly. 'Hahaha! Pickles! Hahaha!'
Me and Squidward glanced at him.
'Patrick, we weren't discussing pickles.' I said.
Patrick looked shocked. 'Then what were you ... Discussing, exactly?' He asked suspiciously.
Another voice interrupted suddenly. 'Are any of you a Mr SquarePants?' It was the Internet installation guy!
'That would be me!' I yelled happily, running up to the Internet installation guy and hugging him.
'Thank you, for bringing a little electronic knowledge to our place of un-knowledged people.' I sniffed, as tears of joy ran down my face.
'Er --- Yeah. I'm the pizza delivery guy, you know that, right?' The guy said.
'Oh! Baahaahaahaahaa! I forgot ...' I said, smiling brightly.
'Yeah. That'll be $11.45.'
'Okay! Here's $11.44 ... You can keep the change.' I winked.
The guy rolled his eyes. He decided to overlook the fact that the payment was a penny short. 'Gee. Thanks. And I thought this job would never pay off.' He handed the pizza to me, got into his boat and drove away.
Squidward sighed. This was getting to be stupid. He began to think SpongeBob had made up the Internet thing. He probably didn't even know what the Internet was. Heh, heh. Funny. But, nah. That would be too dumb. Even for SpongeBob, he supposed. He realized SpongeBob was saying something while he was going over this in his head.
'Hey, Squid! D'you even know what the Internet is?' I asked, handing the pizza to Patrick.
'Yes, SpongeBob, I know what the Internet is!' He paused. 'Do you?'
I smiled. 'Of course not!'
Patrick belched loudly. 'Excuse me!' He had eaten the whole pizza in one gulp.
Squidward groaned. 'SpongeBob!' He then said a few words which I couldn't hear properly.
'I missed that last part, Squid! Could you repeat it?'
'Gladly ---'
'Hey! SpongeBob! Squidward! Look! Look!' Patrick shouted suddenly, pointing to the road.
I turned to where Patrick was pointing. 'Wow! It's ... It's ... It's ...'
We then shouted: 'The installation guy!'
I went up to the guy. 'Hi! I'm SpongeBob SquarePants! Are you the Internet guy?'
The guy nodded. 'Yeah. This your house?' He pointed to Squidward's house.
'Nope!' I said.
'How about this one?' He pointed to Patrick's rock.
'Nope!'
The guy looked annoyed. He pointed to my pineapple house. 'That one?'
'Nope --- Oh. Yep! That's it!' I said.
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About an hour and a half later I was sitting in front of what I think could possibly be the Internet. 'So ...' I said. 'This is the Internet?'
Patrick was standing nearby. 'How d'you ... Get into it?' He asked, confused, going around behind the square screen thing and banging on it.
Squidward was there, too. He shoved Patrick away and threw me out of the chair. 'Get out of it, you fools! You have no idea what you are doing!' He smiled smugly. 'I, on the other hand, am an Internet professional.'
'Really?' I asked from my spot behind the couch where I had landed.
'Really.' Squidward replied importantly.
'Wow ...' Patrick said. I thought he was talking about Squid's knowledge of the Internet, but he was actually rummaging around in my fridge. Oh, well.
'Well, then, Squiddy, let's see what this Internet is all about!' I said, getting up and walking over to where Squidward was sitting in the chair.
'Er --- Oh ... Kay. It's simple ... You just turn this thing on ... And then. Er --- wait. For awhile. While it ... Warms up.'
'Wow ...' Patrick repeated, not paying any attention to the Internet, instead looking at the sandwich he had made.
Squidward ignored him. 'And then ... You ... Er --- Oh, alright! I admit it. I have no idea what I'm doing, either.' He didn't look so smug now.
'Aw, that's okay, Squidward! I have an idea, anyway! Let's call Sandy! I bet she'll know how to work the Internet!'
Squidward shrugged. 'Sure. Whatever.'
'Okay!' I went over to my phone and dialled the number to Sandy's treedome.
Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggg.
Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggg.
Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggg.
Briiiiiiii ---
'Hello?' Sandy's voice said.
'Sandy! Hi! It's me, SpongeBob!' I said.
'Oh, well, hi, SpongeBob! Whatcha up to?' She asked.
'Oh, nothing.' I said. Wasn't I supposed to say something about ...
'Oh. Well. I'll have to be going now, SpongeBob! I've got some laundry to do.' Sandy replied.
'Okay! Bye, Sandy!' I smiled.
'Bye, SpongeBob!'
Click.
Squidward looked at me in a sort of hopeless manner. 'SpongeBob. If you were any more stupid, you'd be a vegetable.'
I grinned. 'Wow, really? Broccoli or cabbage?'
'SpongeBob!'
'I know, I know, I'm sorry, Squidward.' I paused. 'Radish?'
Squidward growled. 'That's it! I've had enough of you morons! I'm leaving.'
'Why? D'you have a appointment at the barbershop?' Patrick said, swallowing the last of his sandwich.
Squidward went red, and stomped out the front door, slamming it behind him.
Patrick shook his head. 'I guess he really needed an emergency haircut, huh?'
I nodded. 'Yep.'
'So, what are we going to do about this innernet stuff?' Patrick said, pointing to the square screen thingy.
'Hm. I'm not sure ... Wait! I have an idea! Let's make it into a fort!' I cried.
'Great idea, SpongeBob, great idea!' Patrick agreed.
'Let's get to work!'
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Four hours later ...
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'Wowwee! The innernet sure is great!' Patrick called from the Internet Fort Kitchen.
'You said it, Patrick!' I called back. I was currently in the Internet Fort Bathroom --- Well, baahaahaahaahaa, but that's not important ... Er --- Anyway ...
I crawled into the Internet Fort Living Room, and jumped onto a rectangular thingy with letters on the top of it. 'Look, Patrick! I'm surfing the Internet!'
Patrick looked into the Internet Fort Living Room. 'Er --- Yeah. And I'm ... Um ... Dancing with the innernet!' He picked up a round disk-shaped thing and spun around.
'Baahaahaahaahaa!' I laughed.
'Hawhawhawhaw!' Patrick guffawed.
'Meow.' Gary interrupted, slithering into the Internet Fort Living Room.
'Hey, hi, Gary! Welcome to our Internet Fort!' I said, waving my arms around.
Gary took one look around, rolled his eyes, started rearranging things in the 'Fort. Hey ... Wait a minute ... He wasn't rearranging things --- He was dragging all of the pieces into the coat closet ... He was destroying our 'Fort!
'Gary! What are you doing?!' I cried in dismay. 'I know what you're doing ... You're destroying our 'Fort!'
Gary ignored me and, as he was done destroying the 'Fort, went into the coat closet and shut the door behind himself.
'Gary! You open this door this instant! Gary! Give me back the Internet!' I turned to Patrick. 'Pat, d'you think you could help me with ---'
Snorrrrrrrrrrrrre.
I saw Patrick had fallen asleep on the floor. I gritted my teeth. I guess I'd have to break the door down ---
Suddenly, the closet door swung open on it's own, ((Faulty hinges,)) and I saw that Gary was sitting in front of the glowing square screen thingy, and on the display of the screen thingy was a dancing pink plant. There was spicy music coming from the --- I think they were called --- speakers. He didn't notice me peeking in.
I raised my eyebrow. 'So, Gary!' I said loudly. 'This is the kind of thing you like, eh?'
'Meow!' Gary said, jumping in surprise, and hit a letter on the rectangular board. The picture vanished.
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Narrator: Well, you know what they say. Like sponge, like snail. Hahaha ... Hey! Isn't there supposed to be a block on those kinds of sites, Gary?!
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The End.
Reveiw? Click here.
